10 Struggles with BPD

Any mental health issue really is hard but when it it your own struggle, sometimes it seems there is no way out. Here I will share with you just some of the struggles I have to face.

1. Lack of concentration
   I set myself up to do something, but within minutes I just end up with no interest and my thoughts have wondered so far away then I find it so hard to get back to what I was doing in the first place.
   
2. Nightmares
   These are terrible for any human, but mine stick with me. Dwelling in this horrid thing that never even happened. Makes my feelings towards people change, and leaves me feeling so confused and scared.
   
3. Impulses
   This is a really common symptom of BPD and it really is annoying. I will be fine one minute and the next I am planning a really adventurous day that is impossible to achieve. Or I will come up with a plan to see people without even asking them first, whilst I am waiting for their answer I get myself so excited and expect it to just happen. When my plan doesn't go like I expected I go into a depression. This also means I buy/want things I don't need or really want.
   
4. Negative thoughts
   The best way to describe this one is like having an angel and a devil on your shoulders like you see in a cartoon. Except the devil wants to be noticed way more! My thoughts can range from putting myself down about the way I look or to the whole world is against my. Along with the obvious negative thoughts..
   
5. Feeling numb
   When feeling numb, it does not mean I no longer have any feelings. It just simple means I am so lost that I just don't know how to feel. I just end with with no enjoyment from anything and again left feeling confused and alone.
   
6. No motivation
   Now this is another obvious one but it really is all too common. In my head I want to do so many things, check things off of my lists and just sort it all out. However I just can't, no matter how much I tell myself. It is like something just stops me, it is so frustrating and makes me really sad.
   
7. Feeling alone
   Loneliness is is horrid emotion, especially when you do have people around you. I find it extremely hard to explain the way I am feeling and you end up feeling you are alone in all of this because it is so hard for people to understand. I also spend most of my days alone at home which doesn't help.
   
8. Intense emotions
   My emotions go from one extreme to another in just seconds. I can be so happy and content then something will trigger me and I end up angry and depressed. Triggers can vary from day to day so nobody have really predict them.
   
   
9. Taking medication
   I have lost count of the number of medications I have tried over the years. Now I take Trazadone at night time to help me sleep and the calm me down basically. However I am so dependent on these now that if Ii don't get enough sleep I am sometimes left with a migraine but mostly feeling lethargic.
   
10. Maintain relationships
    For years I found this one hard. I had friends and they would just leave me when things got deep or they simply just didn't understand why I was acting the way I was. Some people never took the time to help me and realise that I do have an illness. I even struggled with the relationships of family members. As for boyfriends they never really lasted longer than a few months, but now I have an extremely understanding and supportive boyfriend. We are both trying to learn about this illness together and get through it.

I hope that writing about my BPD will help others understand and maybe try and support me or others you know.
Click here for more information about BPD.